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Tarot Tuesday; Four of Pentacles

Well, damn. Here this card is again…

The Four of Pentacles indicates that you are in a position where you are financially stable and secure with solid investments. You are very conservative about money and are not inclined to gamble in financial matters. You are very protective of what you have accumulated over time, and slowly and steadily you increase your net worth through saving money and safe investments. You are self-sufficient both financially and emotionally, as you often equate money with emotional security.

Okay, yes, I admit that what is described above is damn near dead-on with what I believe. At least when I stop to think about it. I’ve always seen money as the way out, the way forward, and the measure of success. I’ve seen what debt and insecurity can do to a person, can do to a family, and so I’m certainly NOT inclined to gamble in any sense of the word. There is nothing quite like the suffocating anxiety that comes with worrying about money, about your bills, and about how you’ll ever afford to get ahead in life. Been there…

Although this card shows a practical and financially stable person, it often indicates possessiveness, greed and an overly cautious approach to life. You may be afraid to take risks, both financially and emotionally for fear of losing everything that you have attained so far. As a result, you may be vaguely unhappy and unfulfilled. Deep down you are starting to realise that you have sold out for a conservative and overly ‘safe’ approach to life.

Yes, this is me too. I hoard what I’ve earned to an extent. I talk myself out of purchases more often than not. I’m a practical and simple person a heart; I’m low-maintenance and a cheap date. I know that money can’t buy happiness. Cliche, but true. Yet, I still feel the impulse to buy things I don’t really need just because it indicates where I am in life. It plays into the petty “life” competition I feel that we often play as we “grow up”.

However, during my time at Asia Plateau, I had a conversation with one of the outreach team members who was helping to facilitate the Lead for Change Program, and he was telling me about how he and his wife were deeply unhappy with their well-paying IT jobs. They talked about their career track, what they wanted out of life together, and ultimately quit working to find something that did make them both happy. They volunteered and bartered their skills in exchange for room and board where they were most needed. Eventually they came across the Internship program at Asia Plateau, applied and were worried that they wouldn’t be accepted, but they were just in time to move to Panchgani! Which turned in to them becoming staff as part of the Outreach team. My mind was blown by the fact that they gave up pretty much everything to live a life of service because it MADE THEM HAPPY.

Could I do that? I’ve got a good job with some pretty good perks, but I know I’m capable of doing much more. But what does that more look like? What does it feel like?

What this also means is that you must continually work hard to generate an income to sustain this standard of living and to sustain your ongoing obsession with material possession.

Biddy Tarot

How many of us are caught in the cycle in the above description? We have to buy more to BE more. Better, faster, stronger, shinier, newer; its never enough because we’re running on empty just trying to get by. Surrounded by the status markers of success, one could argue that you’re building a fence. Don’t let them see how empty you really are.

I admit – I took a step back from caring for myself and have been pretty grumpy, except when I get to see Tennessee. Seeing him is the high point of every month; that also means there is a sharp spiral downward after I have my time with him. And apparently it shows, since two people who know me well enough have reached out to ask if I’m okay. I’ve concluded that I don’t want to be existing – I want to be living. which means taking a breath, lifting my head up and away from my work, and slowing down a bit to remember who I am.

Maybe living on a farm and taking pride in the simple life is just where I’m meant to be, me.

Categories: Tarot Tuesday

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thereluctantpagan

Writer, Wannabe Artist, Overthinker, List-Maker, Photographer, Chronic Under-Salter

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