The Four of Pentacles shows a man sitting on stool, away from his home town. He tightly holds onto his pentacles or coins in a very defensive posture as though he were hoarding them for fear of loss. One pentacle is balanced on his head, one clutched between his hands, and two are securely placed underneath his feet. He is making sure that no-one touches his coins! And, he cannot go anywhere because his feet are busy holding the coins down. In other words, this man is so tied up with his possessions, that he cannot do anything else. His eyes appear darkened from hard work but his mouth betrays the hint of a smile, which comes from the self-satisfaction of his accomplishments.
Well fuuu…dge. You know, reading the description of this card, I was thinking for a second that I was doomed. I could only think of how I hard I have worked, how much I’ve bargained, struggled, and sometimes outright fought for what I have now – and how possibly this is the greed in me that is coming out. I’m ashamed of how I see this card; how my instinct is to react defensively.
I recognize my defensiveness and have become more aware of this “sullen greed”, as I think of it, manifesting in my mind. Am I truly being selfish when it comes to my career and what I’ve accomplished so far? I am proud of what I’ve built from scratch. Yet, am I too proud to let go? Perhaps. I know that I don’t want to be back at the bottom of the totem pole again. Which, is what could happen in a year or so.
I build, I create, I improve and streamline, then I manage and leverage. Eventually, I’m the one handing over my creation to those who may use it to their own benefit. It elevates me and the person I trust to care for this creation. I am then returned back to the bottom to start all over again. C’mon Gods?! Can’t I at least go back to the freakin’ middle and not the beginning?! Sigh. I have risen twice, soon to be three times, to a position of importance within a 3 year time frame only for the Gods to have other plans for me; an abrupt decision that forced my resignation, a change in direction that was an affront to my values, and now a choice that I make for love. I promise that I’m not complaining. No, in fact, drawing this card forces me to see the messy/ugly parts of who I am. I am reminded to be more humble; more accepting that I’ve done what I’m supposed to. Time to follow where I’m led. I’ve not made my career choices for power or glory – these careers aren’t glorious at all. No, I’ve worked my ass off at every opportunity to make the lives of those around me are improved. I’ve followed a voice that is not my own.
Jesus, now I sound like I have a savior complex. Okay, Wise Ones, I get it. Time to put my ego in check. Time to reflect on the following:
Why am I resentful of starting over at the bottom?
Why have only “lower” opportunities surfaced?
Why do I fear letting go?
What can I give up and still see benefit from its release?
What prevents me from being more humble?
Categories: Tarot Tuesday
Writer, Wannabe Artist, Overthinker, List-Maker, Photographer, Chronic Under-Salter